Two Know You is Two Love You

Dear Jack,

This week marked an important, life-comes-crashing-to-a-halt moment for us: for the first time EVER, you called me “Mama.” You have been able to say “mama” for a long time, but you have never used it as a way of getting my attention, or in reference to me. (You actually called me, “Dada” for a little while!) Earlier this week, after Daddy got you out of your crib one morning you came running into my room where I was still lying in bed and said in your sweet raspy voice, “Mama, ahh-dohh!” (Translation: Mom, get your lazy self out of bed already!) Can I just tell you how much it melted my heart to hear you use my name?

This is probably the most exciting thing happening in your development these days—the increase in your verbal skills. I have to say that we were slightly concerned for a little while because according to all of the “averages” on the developmental milestones chart, you were behind in verbal development. When the doctors asked us if you had close to seventy words at your two-year check up, I responded—after gasping—“Um, no!” At that point we could maybe count fifteen words that you were saying. Then they asked if you were speaking in any two- to three-word sentences yet, and again the answer was no. But while we were concerned, and we were advised to get your hearing and speech checked pretty soon, we have been pretty confident that things would balance out eventually.

You see, you are very ahead of development physically. You can run very well, you are exceptionally coordinated with your body, and you are already quite the little athlete. You love to kick soccer balls around, shoot baskets with a huge basketball, but your current favorite is baseball. Mommy or Daddy hold the ball in our hands; you have a near-perfect batting stance, followed by a powerful swing and follow-through, and complete with a toss of the bat before you go run “the bases,” sometimes even sliding at the end. You hit the ball almost every single time. And you hit it FAR. I am way impressed. People often comment about how you look so much older than two, because of the way you run and your coordination. You also climb well, something that was evident this summer when you were in the mountains for the first time. You would eagerly scamper up big rocks, and then slowly ease yourself back down with excellent balance.

What’s so interesting to me about your apparent love of sports is that Daddy and I have never forced it on you. You somehow picked up the whole hitting sequence from watching the Cubs on TV (either that or watching Daddy play baseball on his 2K Sports X-box game!). You cheer loudly whenever anyone hits the ball, even if it is foul or if it is a homerun for the other team. (You still have a little bit left to learn about the sport!)

Recently you started to “miss.” You would swing your bat but purposefully swing far away from the ball, and then I would say, “Oh!! Strike one!” You then grin and “miss” again, so which I reply, “Strike two!” and then you just whack the thing. You run, run, run down the hallway or the sidewalk, and then sort-of-slide-but-it’s-more-like-a-fake-fall and then you like to roll a few times in dramatic fashion. Your knees have so many scratches and rug burns!

You have said “ball” for a long time but now you say “bat” as well, and a frequent utterance at our house is, “Wheresaball?” as you wander around looking under furniture for your well-hit ball. You also say, “bass-eh ball” for basketball, which I think is SO cute.

Daddy and I often comment about how much we love this time right now because you seem to be learning so much all at once. Your vocabulary is suddenly blossoming; it seems you have new words every day, new articulations. You know all of your letters, including every letter sound, and when we are out and about you are always reading letters on signs, books, food boxes, people’s shirts, etc. Here are a few words that you say right now:
“mock” = milk
“mama/dah-dee”
“ah-guck” = Ellie (still don’t get this one)
“duck”
“papa” = Grandpa Whitaker and Grandpa Marc
“gamamamamama” = Grandma Whitaker
“Nana” = Grandma Muralt
“Nana” = banana
“rice” “peas” “cheese”
“appo” = apple
“sa-wash” = squash
“ah-mee” = mommy’s friend Amy
“eye-you” = I love you
“watch” = watch a movie
“wash” = wash your hands
“Ahh-doh” = all done
“pay” = play
“ah-bey” = obey
“mess” = Jack made a mess
“Eeew!” or “Yuck!”
“kr-kr” =cracker

I know this is a short list (i.e. not seventy) but these are the only ones I can think of right now. You have just started to do the whole sentence thing, because we won’t give you what you want until you ask for it by name! You are often heard saying, “Kr-kr pease” or “watch, pease.” Oh—I forgot my favorite word of yours: JACK! You can say your own name right now! It is just precious to hear you clearly pronounce the “J” sound, and end with a resounding, hard “ck!” Though sometimes it does sound a bit like “Jaques” (the French pronunciation).

You have started saying “Mama?” and then waiting for my attention. I usually respond by saying, “Yes, Jack?” and so now I hear you going around saying, “Mama? Yes. Jack.” Makes me laugh out loud every time. You also have started going around saying, “Mama? Whe-Ah-you?” when you can’t find me. How I love to respond, “I’m in here, honey!” Not because of the particular question/response but purely because it IS a question/response! I know (at least I hear) that someday I will wish you would STOP asking me questions, but for now, I love it.

You also talk on the phone and seem to carry on quite the conversation. It helps if you actually know the other person, like Papa or Daddy or Grandma. You always say, “Hi.” And then you wait and listen, which you didn’t always do. The other day you were going on and on about your ball to Daddy, and then you finally just said, “Eye-you” (I love you) then “buh-bye” and handed it back to me.

The development of your verbal skills has added so much to our relationship. Communication is greatly improved in our family, as we can pinpoint more quickly what you are wanting, what you are upset about, what you need. And it is certainly more fun to be able to talk with you about things and know that you understand, and then to understand (generally) what you are responding. It makes you seem more like a tiny, growing person rather than just a little baby.

At two-and-four-months you are still an incredibly picky eater. You have two standard meals: grilled cheese or whole-wheat pasta with butter and parmesan cheese. In addition to these, you will eat peas, steamed broccoli, squash, sweet potato, and occasionally black beans. You eat yogurt almost every day for breakfast, usually with a piece of plain bread, or bread with peanut butter. And you love milk. You would drink only milk, all day, if we let you. You also love cheese—what is with your dairy craving? You pull on the fridge door saying, “Cheese. Cheese. Mama. Cheese.” And you don’t just want any cheese, you want the shredded cheese—to carry the bag around the house with you while spilling little tiny shreds of cheese all over…we’ve never allowed this but somehow you are still persisting.

The thing is, if you would just TRY foods that we give you, I know you would like them! But you refuse to try anything other than what I have just listed. Although I should clarify—you are quick to try anything that remotely resembles something sweet; here you are not so tentative. If it looks like chocolate, or if you can smell the sweetness…bring it on! And you always are willing to eat French fries, as well as deep-dish pizza. You would eat graham crackers all day long if I let you. But Jack, one of these days you are going to get sick of grilled cheese and parmesan pasta, and then what will you have left? You are going to be one hungry little boy.

Besides being picky with food, you have a slightly “picky” personality as well. It might just be your age, but I think a lot of it is just you. You like things to be “just so,” and if they are not presented or orchestrated the way you like them to be, then you become very unhappy. For example, we occasionally get fruit bars from Trader Joe’s for you to eat at breakfast. If I take the fruit bar out of the wrapper and give it to you by itself, you have a complete meltdown. You prefer that I open the wrapper, but leave the fruit bar inside so that YOU can take it out, and then you like to wad up the wrapper and hand it to me. When you want a banana you will refuse to eat it if Daddy or I peel it first; YOU want to peel it. When you finish your meal you like to stack up your dishes with your spoon or fork in your bowl, and then you hand it to me at the sink. You get very mad if I try to clear the dishes from in front of you by myself.

When we play baseball, you have to have a certain side of the ball facing up before you will hit it. The thing is, it’s a solid, blue plastic ball with tiny etchings on it; on the bottom of the ball there is a small circle with some tiny writing in it—if that is not facing the sky then you will stop mid swing to come over and turn the ball. Sometimes you like to use your plastic food toys for balls. Your favorite now is an orange. This plastic piece of fruit has a line around its middle, and if this line is not perfectly parallel to the ground, you will come over and straighten it. The plastic apple must be upside down.

Sometimes your milk cup gets bubbles in it. You hate this (even though you caused it by shaking your milk). You will cry and beg for more milk—but you are smart enough to ask for milk from the OTHER milk jug (apparently this is non-bubbly milk). You also prefer water WITH ice in your sippy. Forget lukewarm tap water!

All of these things require a lot of patience from mommy. Some of them are strange habits that perplex me, and I wonder if I am doing you a disservice by letting you get by with being so particular about everything. On the other hand I know that routine is very important at your age, from the flow of the day down to the books we read at night before bed, AFTER we brush teeth and wash hands. And I know that it’s important to recognize your opinions and desires (so long as they are reasonable and not harmful). So for now I take a lot of deep breaths and pray for more patience.

Another reason I am loving this stage you are in right now is because you have finally become a mama’s boy—in every good sense of the word. For the better part of your life thus far you have very much preferred Daddy, something that has been quite hurtful to me at times. I know that you have never intended to hurt me, but your odd attachment to Daddy has left me bewildered and wondering what I did to make you not want me. I do have a theory—besides the “it’s just part of this stage” explanation that I heard/read over and over—I think that because Daddy was home and accessible to you all day long, and because in the past nine months I have spent a lot of time with newborn-Ellie, you have had a lot of Daddy to yourself.

But now, Daddy is gone during the day so you are stuck with me. But I think this has been a good thing for both of us, because it has given us a chance to have Mommy-Jack time, and I think that I have finally won you over. You often only want ME to come get you from your bed, and if Daddy gets you out of bed in the morning you come running in to find me in my bed, and if you aren’t handing me my glasses and saying, “Ahh-doh” then you are climbing into my bed, laying your blankie and your sweet, warm self on me and snuggling for a minute—but only for a minute—and then you are off. We play games together, mainly chasing games or hiding and jumping-out-from-behind-the-couch games; we read books—lots of books—together, I attempt to play baseball with you, we build very tall towers with your jumbo Legos, and sometimes we even turn up the music and dance together if we are feeling very silly. You make Mommy laugh so many times a day!

While I am very glad to know that you love and enjoy me, too, I am more glad that it hasn’t replaced your love and attachment to Daddy. You love your Daddy so much—you get very excited when you hear the garage door opening, signaling that Daddy is home from work, and greet him with an excited, “Hi!!” and a hug. Daddy takes you for walks to the park, bike rides, and does a lot of the rougher play with you—wrestling, running around outside, etc. He also sings with you at night and says a special prayer with you. He is the king of book reading (No one can do better character voices than your Daddy! Ok. Well, maybe Robin Williams could. But you don’t even know who that is so does it really matter?).

So now that I have told you all of the wonderful things about you…I have to say for the record that this is also one of the most challenging stages we have faced with you thus far. You are very strong-willed, and we have started to wage many-a-battle over who is really in charge. You are so obviously testing us that it’s almost funny. We tell you not to do something, like throw your ball in the street or push the garage door button, and then you pause, look at us, and then DO IT ANYWAY. Sometimes you completely ignore us, causing me to question myself, “Did he hear me? Am I being unfair punishing him if he didn’t hear me?” And other times I wonder if you understand what is being required of you, or if you are too little to be expected to follow directions or obey the first time you are asked. Several friends I respect have told me, however, that I am underestimating you and your abilities. Hm.

Because of this blatant disregard for our authority, we have begun to explore discipline techniques and philosophies. We don’t quite have it down, and I’m not sure we ever will, but both Daddy and I feel that we have learned a lot, and we have tried hard not to implement something before we are sure we believe in the reasoning behind it and could, if you asked us someday, explain why it is important for us to discipline you this way in light of our job as your earthly parents. I will write more thoughts on this soon; it is important to me to document the development of my (our) beliefs regarding discipline, because we know how important it is to begin with a strong foundation on which we can build in the future as your and our needs change. There is much spiritual parallel, as well, in the concept of disciplining in love, and Daddy and I have been really encouraged and strengthened as we have started to recognize these. Call me idealistic, but I hope someday that we can sit down and share with you how God has given us the responsibility for your life and character development, and how much we have learned about God and us in the process.

I thank God for you, Jack! You bless my days, even the hard ones. Your little arms around my neck, your, “Eye-you’s”, your “Mama?’s”—what a treasure to this Mom’s heart. I look forward to what the next year brings us!

Love, Mommy