An ode to Kleenex

Each day I walk down the hallway in our little apartment, and there it sits: the six-pack of Kleenex that we purchased from Costco a few weeks ago. At the time it seemed like a reasonable purchase; we feel like we are always running out and never have any stored in our home. Those of you who shop at Costco or Sam's or any other bulk-items store will no doubt understand the dilemma we face each time we peruse the aisles: sure, we could use that, and sure it's a great price, but where in the world will we keep it?

Our recent move has brought us to a very small apartment space in Naperville. I am thankful for a home, with heat in the winter and air in the summer, and I also like the location. However, I am running out of space to put things. Some days I feel like the walls are closing in, and I am going to go crazy!

So this brings us back to the jumbo size box of Kleenex. Ever since we brought it home I have been wondering where to put it, what closet I could stuff it into, what shelf I could stack it on. I thought about separating the pieces and stuffing them in different places, but then I undoubtedly would forget where I put them all.

The past week has been crazy busy and I've been running from one thing to the next; my mind is on hair appointments, phone calls to track down a friend's famous punch recipe, trips to the craft store for more ribbon for something wedding-related, doctor's appointments, grocery store runs, packing for Europe, laundry for the wedding downtown and for Europe....ug. Sometimes I have the TV on in the living room and if I sit down for more than a minute I find myself just staring with my mouth open--it's kind of pathetic, really.

Then two days ago we had a big rain storm (thank God--we needed rain so badly!) and a water main broke outside our apartment. So there was a huge flood of water and mud outside our entry and we could not get in; of course the work order we put in a few months ago about fixing the BACK door was never fulfilled; so now we couldn't get to the door that works, and the door we can reach doesn't open. Hm. (Eric climbed through the bushes to get to the front door--what a smart husband I have!)

Then we found out that our water was turned off. No dishes, no laundry, no bathroom, no showers, no baby bottles, no badly need water for nursing Mommy. Another hm. When it was turned on again, we were told not to drink it...but then didn't hear back about when it would be safe again! So now dishes are piling up

Today as I walked down my hallway I noticed that it now contains piles of laundry, a growing bag of things to take to Europe, a Pack N Play in its storage bag, a old fan (??), and, ah yes, the Kleenex. It's as if every time I look at it there is another tally mark etched in my mind--53 times you've walked by and haven't found a place for the enormous Kleenex box. My heart sunk when I looked at it tonight as I made my way to bed, because I realized that it represented to me all the things that I'm NOT getting done in the midst of all the other things going on in our life right now. I said to myself, "It's such a small task! How can you not find the time to put away the Kleenex????"

I realize that I am extremely tired and running very low on energy these days, so I'm sure that didn't help my perspective any. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that this lovely, flower covered stumbling block actually points to an issue that I have struggled with for a long time: MAKING TO DO LISTS.

Don't get me wrong--I know that lists are helpful and useful and practical and that's one reason I make them. But I am realizing more and more that it has become my way of trying to contol life, knowing what and how I will get something done, or how my day will unfold. I make lists about who to call, and then organize them by most important. I make grocery lists after inventory-ing the fridge and pantry and then organize my list by section/aisles of the grocery store (I know--sad!). I make lists of those to whom I need to write letters or thank you notes. I make lists of who to send baby announcements to, sorted by both sides of our family, our parents' friends, church friends, work friends, college friends, high school friends and neighborhood friends. I make a list for all the things I want to accomplish in the next day, the next week, and the next few months. (anyone think I spend more time making lists than I do getting anything done? I do!!)

The problem lies in that when I don't get the things on my list crossed of, and thus accomplished, I feel an intense sense of dissatisfaction, even failure. And as the days go on and I get more and more behind in my "to-do's", I just feel worse about it.

The Kleenex box hasn't ever made a list thus far; no, it represents another category--the "to-do" things that I forget to put on my list! This group drives me even more crazy! And with all of this craziness--I get a headache and can't even figure out where to start...thus nothing gets done and I feel bad.

In thinking about this tonight and even now as I'm writing I feel like God is using this dumb Kleenex road block to turn my face away from all my busy-ness, away from my "to-do's", away from my feelings of unproductivity. I feel strongly convicted of using these tasks and lists as a control factor

Jack learning Spanish?

Well, sort of. I recently decided that I wanted to get a sound machine to put in Jack's nursery for when he's sleeping. After looking around some and deciding that they were a bit pricy, I bought a small clock radio so that we could play the "white noise" (you know, in between stations) while Jack was sleeping. The other night I was laying in bed when I suddenly realized that I could hear a man's voice over Jack's intercom! Totally freaking out I ran into his room only to discover that somehow the radio signal had changed and it was on a Spanish station! Considering what a light sleeper he is, I was thankful that it didn't wake him up. Then I thought about how people play Mozart in their sleep or put textbooks under their pillows, and I considered leaving it on. :) Rational thought won out, though, and I quickly switched it off.

Today I bought one of those stuffed bears that you stick on the side of the crib and it plays womb sounds. (If you're wondering what "womb sounds" are--it sounds like when we listened to the baby's heartbeat through my tummy while I was pregnant--kind of a whooshing sound) It's pretty neat--even turns off by itself!

The pictures below are new ones we just received in the mail from Eric's mom from her visit in June. I hope you enjoy them!

Jackson's Smiles

This picture was taken (by Grandma Muralt) at Jack's two-month doctor's appointment. We were waiting for the nurses to come in for his immunizations, and he was all stripped down to his diaper. He was shivering, so I wrapped him in this blanket, and he fell asleep in my arms--so sweet. So Grandma grabbed her camera. Lovely backdrop, huh?

Bath Time

All warm and cozy after a bath!

Grandma Muralt's visit in June

profile picture

New Territory...

Well, Jackson has officially figured out how to roll over! The funny thing is that each time he does it, it freaks him out! And the only problem is that he only does it (so far) while he's napping, so it wakes him up and then it is hard to get him to go back to sleep. It is not uncommon for him to wake up half way through his nap and fuss a little bit, but he usually goes back to sleep. When he fusses, however, he likes to kick with his little legs, which then changed to pulling up his legs so he's on his knees, which has now moved to going up on his toes so his little bottom is in the air. For while this would wake him up because he would teeter back and forth but couldn't topple over because his arms were in the way. But now (I've seen him do it a few times) he sucks his thumb and goes up on his toes...and over he goes! Then he starts flailing every limb that moves and screaming at the top of his lungs. I have tried to flip him back over on his tummy and rub his back, but he's so startled by it all that he just gets mad, and does it again!

This morning we were lying in bed, and we heard him start fussing around 5 am. Normally he would just fall back asleep, but we heard this little thump and then screaming, and sure enough...he had rolled over. As much as I'm partly annoyed that I have to get up at 5 am and partly sad that he's so upset...I also feel kind of giddy and have this incredible urge to clap my hands and say "Good boy!!"

I don't know why this is so fascinating to me; I think the teacher in me is so excited to see him learning new things and growing in "knowledge." I wonder what will happen if he can't stay on his tummy but keeps rolling over...I guess he will have to get used to sleeping on his back?? I have a feeling that we are going to have some rough naps/nights in the days ahead.

There's some saying about motherhood being a "balancing act"...and I already feel that beginning, even in little ways. There are the literal examples...talking on the phone, cooking, doing laundry, typing--really anything physical--with a baby in one arm. Balancing time between time with baby and time with spouse. Balancing sleep, wake, and feeding time. Some days it's hard for me to decide how to spend my day; I might really need to go out and run errands, but if he hasn't slept well, it is more important that he get a good nap, so I end up staying home, or running one errand in between naptimes...ugh.

Recently, I have taken him with me when I went out to visit with friends; it's a whole new experience when you spend your time balancing friendly conversation with baby attention--catching the spit up and drool, shushing the tears for fear of expulsion from the restaurant or coffee shop, feeding, entertaining, keeping little hands out of my food, trying to eat my food without spilling on me or him...it is quite a new experience for me!

It will be interesting to see how "sightseeing" goes in Europe with a baby who is not interested in anything but attention, milk, dry diapers, and sleep. Not to mention "balancing" all the baby luggage!

We are excited about our upcoming trip to Europe...although as the departure date nears and I ponder all of the baby stuff we will have to bring...I feel a little overwhelmed. Stroller, baby carrier, Pack N Play, carseat, pacifiers, toys, about a million diapers, outfits, hats, towel and bath stuff, burp cloths, bibs, wipes, diaper rash stuff and gas medicine...and I thought I was a heavy packer!! So much stuff for such a little body. I keep trying to figure out how to minimize our luggage...but I don't think there's much we can leave out at this point.

So many "new territories," so many unknowns. Some days it feels kind of scary, heading out into the great abyss of parenthood...but then I stop and look around, and I see all those who have gone before us, and those who are entering this new chapter alongside us, and those of you behind us, encouraging us along the way...and I feel stronger. I'm glad we're all in this together. l

Ringbearer?

This is Aunt Marika! Jackson will be ringbearer in her wedding in 2 weeks.

Smiles for Aunt Marika

Kisses from Aunt Marika

Big smiles for Daddy

Looking out the window

Sweet boy

Dads and sons.

Moms and sons.

Jack and Ellis are already becoming good buddies.

L to R: Adam and Brooke Moore, Aaron and Andrea Patterson, Rishi, Amanda, and Ellis Sriram, Annika, Jack, and Eric. These are all friends that Eric grew up with in Austin. Andrea and Aaron live in the area, but the rest of the group drove up a few weeks ago to visit. We had a great time catching up, going to Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, wandering through the Chicago Botanical Gardens, attending a Cubs game, and (of course) eating at the infamous Gino's East Pizza downtown. We had a wonderful week and really enjoyed our time with good friends.

Blog beginnings

So we've made the big leap and joined the blogger community. I don't even know what "blog" means, or where the word came from. Is it even officially a word? Anyway, after bogging down your email inboxes for way too long, I decided (at the incessant urging of my friend Katie, a faithful blogger) to give it a shot. It does make me feel more at ease knowing that those of you who will actually visit this site will do so out of interest, instead of being bombarded with emails about pregnancy ups and downs, birth sagas with all the juicy details, and long (probably boring to some of you) updates on little Jack. So--welcome to our family blog! I hope that you enjoy reading about us, and we will try to keep you entertained! l