Too Good to Be True*

*Updated--see bottom

I had a great day today for three reasons. Reason number one: I bought a new purse. This might sound materialistic, so let me explain. There is period of time following the birth of my children, during which I typically don’t mind that my whole persona screams: I AM A NEW MOM. I don’t mind wearing maternity shirts, I don’t mind wearing pony tails and no make-up, and I don’t mind carrying a diaper bag that seconds as my purse. In fact, I have loved both of my diaper bags; I thought they were very cute and trendy and sort of purse-looking, and I loved how the pockets were labeled for all the various diaper-related accessories, as well as for my cell phone and keys.

However. There comes a point, and it was different with each child, when I am DONE. I am through wearing the maternity shirts, I hate wearing my hair up and staring at a non made-up face day upon day, and I just want to go to the grocery store, get in the checkout aisle, and easily pull my wallet out of my bag without also pulling out a few toys, an old bib, a tube of Desitin, and a few Diaper Ducky bags.

So today I hit the wall on New Mommy-ness. After all, I am not a new mommy anymore, and I’m sure the super-cool teen employees at Old Navy were wondering why my purse/bag sported a red tag with “Ellie Durbin” printed on it in cute, swirly writing. And what really put me over the edge was when my sights landed on a very stylin’ grey corduroy purse that seemed to be calling out to me. Then I discovered that there were about six different colors to choose from, and I stood there debating and debating which one to buy. After realizing that I don’t really have all that many clothes to match my purse to, I went with the original gray. (And for the record this purse is deceptively large; there is plenty of room to throw in a couple diapers, toys for Ellie, and the Diaper Ducky, so I can be super-mommy with style.)

I was quite excited about this purchase, and upon arriving home I promptly dumped out the old diaper bag on my bed and began filling my newest acquisition.

The second reason my day was great is because I was mistaken for a student. I’m not sure if the kid at the Target cashier thought I was in high school or college (ok, stop laughing), but he made a comment about how great it was that I didn’t have to go to school on Friday (all schools were cancelled due to the storms and tornados that hit us that day). I stared at him in disbelief and simply asked, “What?” He blushed and retracted, saying, “Oh, you’re not in school anymore?” I almost hugged him. Hey—even if I was mistaken for being college-age, I’d take it!

And that brings me to my third reason for a happy day. I was in line at the grocery store, feeling quite young-spirited, and the teen girl at the register says to me, “Did you get that purse at Old Navy?” (Yes, I took my new purse out with me!) “Yes, I did!” I replied, very pleased that she noticed. I went on to explain how there were so many colors that it was hard to choose. She told me that her friend just bought the same purse and that she wanted one so bad. As if that wasn’t great enough, I then asked her what color her friend bought and she said, “Gray. And I want a gray one, too.” Oh, bless your heart!

So I was feeling great at this point. I am no longer screaming, Sleep-Deprived New Mom, I quite possibly am resembling someone of college age, and now I have the purse that every teen girl is dreaming of. I felt as though I had just been a guest on TLC’s “Ten Years Younger.”

I get home, and excitedly relate this turn of events to Eric. He seems smugly amused as he listens, but I somehow mistake this for sweet admiration of my giddy, energetic retelling.

However, when I am finished, he calmly says, “Can I bring you down a notch?

“You have something in your teeth.”

*(Okay. Eric thinks that, from the way I wrote this, the punchline is unclear. I know any good writer would go back and try to make it more obvious without just coming out and explaining the punchline, but I am too tired and so here it is: to clarify, here I thought I was something special when all along these teens were probably laughing inside at the dumb lady with food in her teeth. So embarrassing, and bordering on gross.

On a sort-of related note, remember my post a long while back about how every time I go to the dentist I have cavities, and how they always tell me to floss more? And how Eric never flosses and has never had a cavity in his life and how maddening this is? A couple weeks ago at my annual check up it happened again: two cavities. Seriously, does this happen to anyone else? I think I just have food-trapping, cavity-prone teeth. I know two teen cashiers who would be willing to testify to this, as well...)